Excuses are like...

I always go back to this.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when others complain about situations whether it's being in a bad relationship, feeling sick all the time, being over-weight, not able to run a 5k, feeling "bloated", having headaches, always being broke etc ETC.  It's hard for me to get over this intolerance, and I KNOW it's a character flaw of mine.  I am a pretty compassionate person but if you find it important enough to complain to me (and beat yourself up about it), then it's something you should feel is important to DO something about.  I've come to realize that I may really hate this behavior because during a long period in my life; that was me.  I complained about my health, but wasn't vigilant about it.  I complained about weight gain but ate nachos instead of salad.  I would repeatedly run to friends when something in my relationship wasn't right, but the wrongs kept happening because I let them.  I realized that complaining about it all is just the easy way to validate yourself and your feelings and "take a stand" on the problem without actually doing anything about it.  But when you consistently complain without being proactive, you are making it everyone else's problem.  That's when relationships begin to suffer.  No one wants to listen to you bitch about not having money or being overweight if you're not going to get an extra job or set a budget or stop shopping online at work... or going for pizza and eating fried foods on the menu & not making time for exercise.  WHY COMPLAIN if you don't have plans to DO anything about it?

So this is my motto (and I wish someone had shoved this in my face several years ago)... if it's that important you WILL (and can) find a way.  If not, there will always be an excuse.  Is it wrong?  Not necessarily, but you have to analyze your goals a little better & then set realistic ones.  If you're not willing to do the work to improve your situation (whatever it is), then move on.  If you hate being overweight, but you just cannot stop making excuses- then you have to accept yourself the way you are and stop beating yourself up.  Either accept it or change. Skinny people are not "lucky".  Rich people are not "lucky". Happiness takes work.

At one point, I wrote a BOOK on excuses.  Believe me, I know them all and I've used them all.  I used to think there was no way I could find time to exercise, or afford healthy foods, or enjoy a night out with friends without getting a migraine, or that I would EVER feel completely healthy because I had so many convenient crutches to lean on.  Woe was me because I'd never be happy or healthy.

Once I began to make exercise a priority, things began to fall into place.  Soon, it wasn't even an option.  Like I don't look at any certain day and say "no time to exercise" because it is part of my JOB to do it.  So usually it's the other stuff that I don't have time for, and that is okay!  It's okay to have Grandma take Sydney to gymnastics, or bring them to the gym with me, or not have a fancy meal in the evenings (but instead do something active as a family).  Exercise is part of my job and I never call in sick.  Reason is because it is a part of my health and my vitality, it gives me energy, it increases blood flow and improves my mental sharpness.  Same with sleep and eating habits.  No more excuses that I can't afford healthy foods because when I eat clean and stick to it, I don't need to take hundreds of prescription pills for one ailment or the other.  I havent been to the pharmacy in 11 months, so when you deduct the cost of medications- you CAN afford healthy food.  So which would you rather pay for?  Chemical drugs that give you disgusting side effects?  Or natural, whole foods that improve the quality of your life?

If you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself, step back and figure out WHAT got you there and WHAT is keeping you there.  If you want to keep making excuses then it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself.  For every excuse, there is a way.

Someone once told me that if I "can't" run in the rain, or when it's "too cold" or "too hot"... then I'm not a serious & true runner.  That got me pissed enough to run no matter what (and believe me, I'd rather run when it's 105* outside then when it's 35*, uuuuuugh!). If I have to take the stroller, or put on layers (or peel OFF layers) or whatever; run with a freaking umbrella... I'm running.  I'd rather be taken seriously then be laughed at.

NYE 2012

For New Years Andy and I drove to Houston to visit our amazing friends Keith & Brandy.  Incase you don't know them, I went to school with Keith back in my College Station days and he got stuck with me on a life-long basis.  Poor him.  Luckily we both got married and now the four of us (and our kids) are a big happy family (usually).

Well, to show our old school spirit we attended the Aggie bowl game, which was a blast and brought back a trillion memories.  Especially watching the Aggie Band.

It was a good thing the Aggies won, because we all know they haven't been the best team but my hopes are high for them improving in the new conference.  I might actually start watching football again.

New Years eve we were ROCK STARS.  Went out to eat in the Woodlands and then back to the Texter's for board games.  It got pretty wild.

Fibromyalgia Flare Up

I am trying to pinpoint why my fibromyalgia is flaring again- and I think I realize I have gone so long without that pain, that I became complacent about my health and it's vulnerabilities (in other words: I've been taking my health for granted).  It's been so long (almost a year) that I had forgotten what the pain feels like until I slipped on some jeans the other day.  And instead of feeling them touch my legs as usual, it felt like the material was literally scraping and burning my skin off.  I've had to wear knee high socks for a couple of days to soften the blow when the jeans rub against my calves etc.  I also had my braces tightened and the mouth sores that came as a result feel like a thousand needles.  As usual with a fibro-flare, the back pain has returned.  It's annoying because it's like I have the flu and have that dull, throbbing ache right in the middle of my back.  My trainer started me back on upper body Tuesday and I had to keep telling myself the pain is from being on the bench for 8 weeks but my back denied it.  Nothing is injured, it's just that the use of those muscles isn't like a "sore workout" type of pain, it suddenly becomes a gigantic ring of pain around the center of my back and the only comparison to pain I can give you (forgive me) is like being bitten by a horse (bear with me here).  That happened to me.  True story.  Frosty was a bitchy horse with an attitude, I was 4 years old and 'accidentally' turned my back to her while she was being groomed by my sister and CHOMP, she took a huge bite out of my back and it was black and green for 3 months!  So in comparison, that's what it feels like during my workout.  But I know it's just my nerves sending the wrong signals to my brain, and keep in mind it isn't an injury.  The pain is not real, it's just that what I FEEL is real (make sense?).  So I just keep going, knowing that if I don't use it, I'll lose it.  After so long, I would just tell myself Fibromyalgia is a fake diagnosis, that I never really had it.  Then it returns and I'm reminded.  I wish I were crazy, though.

I know this is from lack of sleep.  Sydney & Kelli have it in their heads that there is a ghost upstairs that plays peek a boo with them at night and I am awoken 2-4 times a night.  Normally I make sure to have at least 8+ hours of sleep and I'm successful at it (normally).

So whoever this ghost is, I'm ready to call a Priest and burn some incense.  And if I could see it, I'd beat the crap out of it.

Sara needs sleep.  And I am *not* taking sleep aids ever again.
Ever.

I refuse to keep this cycle going, now that I know how it works.  If you limit your activity due to pain, the cycle will come full circle and you lose, so fight the pain... mind over matter.  I

2 Half Marathons in a week. Boom.

Well Sara made an ewpsies!  I accidentally overbooked my "running schedule", whatever that is or means.  But this will be fun.  I am running my first 3M half marathon here in Austin because I hear this race has swagger (and it's downhill but who cares right?), but most importantly it's my first race IN the city I live this year.  And I don't know why, but that's exciting.  Just is.  That, and I happen to live in the greatest city of all time ever on earth.  Well, maybe America.  So it's just awesome to run here.  Then 6 days later I fly out to California (solo) for the Davis Stampede, which my best friend (and rock star soul mate) is organizing with her company Change of Pace.  Check them out.

So, aside from accidentally booking two half marathons (I can do it.  Right?) I'm just excited to get out and see my best friend.  Hopefully while I'm up there we can swing up to San Francisco and visit my other amazing, talented and beautiful friend Nikki.  Y'all, you MUST check out her art work over at the San Francisco RAW Artists website Get Blown Away

So that's it.  I just wanted to unload that giant humble brag on me and my friends.
RUN FOR LIFE.

What is your body type?

I recently read an article about training for your specific body type and I thought, "Huh?" But after reading it was a little interesting because when you look around you see so many different shapes, sizes and builds.  So it makes sense that there is a list out there of "body types".

It was actually created by Dr. William Sheldon in the 1940's.  Confusingly enough, he says that "most" of the population is a "mixture" of these three somatotypes.  Well, that doesn't help. Much.

But if you fit into one of these categories and hopefully just two, then I bet you could better design individualized training.  We all know you should eat clean and move often.  But how, what, when, where are different for body types.  (Apparently.  I'm new to this).

There is an ectomorph, endomorph and mesomorph.  I am a mesomorph (or mutt-mix of mesomorph & endomorph).  A hybrid, if you will.

Basically:

Ectomorphs

• Fragile
• Thin
• Flat chest
• Delicate build
• Young appearance
• Tall
• Lightly muscled
• Stoop-shouldered
• Large brain (wait, maybe I'm a mix of all three...hmm)
• Has trouble gaining weight
• Muscle growth takes longer

Mesomorphs

• Athletic
• Hard, muscular body
• Overly mature appearance (shut up)
• Rectangular shaped (hourglass shaped for women)
• Thick skin
• Upright posture
• Gains or loses weight easily
• Grows muscle quickly

Endomorphs

• Soft body
• Flabby
• Underdeveloped muscles
• Round shaped
• Over-developed digestive system
• Trouble losing weight
• Generally gains muscle easily

What I can take away from this:

(1)  I am not Kate Moss

(2)  I never could be

(3)  I should stop eating chocolate

(4)  I add muscle easily but it can be harder to shed fat. Examine #3 again.

(5)  Do moderate cardio in the mornings, heavy cardio in the afternoon or evenings.

(6)  Stop eating chocolate

I know there is more to this "body type" thing and in fact there are like 1800 variations of these three somatotypes.  I definitely have the hour glass thing going on, but being so short I tend to have more 'sand' on the bottom, if you know what I mean.

Which body type are you?

If you actually care, check this out Body Type

Make Your Own Energy Gels!

Runners (or uber athletes) who follow Paleo may miss those fast-popping energy gels for the 10th mile.  I found an awesome way to make your own:


Blend the following in a blender or food processor:

• 8 medjool dates or 10 to 12 pitted dates (soaking them overnight makes these easier to blend)
• 4 tablespoons agave or maple syrup or honey
• 4 tablespoons chia seeds (high in protein, fiber, omega-3s, calcium)
• 4 tablespoons coconut oil
• 2 tablespoons lemon zest
• 2 tablespoons lime zest
• 2 teaspoon dulce (seaweed) flakes, snipped in tiny pieces
• couple of pinches of sea salt

It's all about the dates!

Health Nugget of the Day (HNOD, if you will)

The *average* woman needs about 1,600 calories per day (to thrive) and a typical man needs around 2,000 calories. Yet, the average American consumes 3,900 calories a day.  Depending on your height, weight and sex you could gain 2lbs a month consuming that much.  (that number varies obviously but doesn't that explain winter layers?)

If you divide up your day and your meals, and say you're going for 2,000 calories, each meal should range from 300-500 calories each and snacks 100-200.  If you like to eat late at night, beware! Midnight eaters consume about 500 calories more than the non-evening eaters.

That insatiable desire for carbs when you're tired?  That is your brain tricking you into thinking a handful of shortbread cookies or potato chips will help settle you down and fall asleep... when really, that carb-craving is just your body's way of telling you to close your eyes.

Try it.  I bet you could fall asleep without that stuff.

Talking to Little Girls about Beauty

I read this over coffee, and off course I think more when I'm drinking coffee so this launched me into frenzy of parenting doubts.  Like a JayZ song on fast forward, I couldn't make out any clear thoughts.  I have 2 little girls (precious, amazing, fun, smart, loving, outgoing, creative and PRETTY little girls).  In general,  we are aware of image issues and now that Sydney is 6, we're seeing more of those things pop up.  She wants to play with make-up, wear pink dresses, idolizes Princess Aurora (who obviously cannot slay an evil dragon herself), and has even rebutted one of my compliments with "Mom, I am *not* that pretty.  You know who the prettiest girl in school is?  Ava." and we recently chopped (literally) Sydney's hair off and she liked it for about 4 days until a little girl at school told her that Princesses never have short hair.  Problem is, I have NO clue how to respond to these things.

Sydney's hair is awesome and her little bob fits her personality perfectly.  It's who she is!  But she is insecure about it because she's afraid no one will see her as "princess-y".  Yet, the first week (almost) she OWNED that hair cut.

I also catch Kelli checking herself out in the mirror and it's just automatic, I cannot help myself, I blurt out "oooohhhh sooooo pretty!" and now I wonder, am I creating an egotistical monster here?  Like she needs help with confidence.  And despite my own doubts, I still cannot help it.  It's like turrets syndrome.  "Oh look at you! You gorgeous little princess!".  And it will keep happening until someone staples my flappers shut.

I was the. most. insecure. kid on the face of this planet.  And to some slightly elevated yet not too high degree, it lingers.  I look back and wonder what my parents did wrong.  I blame them for everything else, I can't leave out insecurity!  They never over-did it with the props, kudos and compliments but they were ever so gentle and nurturing as to never hurt our feelings.  So I think it was even keel and that worked for a couple of my siblings but one of us turned out extraordinarily confident and one of us (not saying who) turned out uber insecure and self-doubting.

Andy has a strict rule that the girls MAY NOT wear or play with make up.  While I appreciate his concern and why he feels strongly about this, I don't want it to speed his intentions the opposite direction.  Saying make up is bad and forbid it could possibly restrict our super creative 6 year old from expressing herself or prompt even more interest in it and do it behind our backs (the wrong way).  But if we allow it, then are we sending the message that her awesome natural face is not the already the most perfect thing on this earth (have you SEEN her?)

But aren't princess dresses and make up just a part of being a little girl?  When do you draw the line and begin explaining that beauty is more than sparkly, pink, fluffy things? I need a psychologist here... at what age do we explain that your beauty is not important to get ahead in life... especially when everything else on this planet, but especially our society, tells them otherwise?  I mean, seriously, look at Sarah Palin.  She didn't have to be smart. Sorry, I couldn't help that one. What I *meant* was... 

Michelle Bachman.

Regrets

Have you seen the top five death bed regrets?  This link has been floating around on twitter and facebook for a while and I've seen most of my friends respond to this, as well as use this as a catalyst to philosophical thought & conversation.

In short, here are the top 5 regrets according to some nurse (I haven't really investigated the source, that's all I know): 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.  

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.   

 Though, I think these are important things to consider and think about, let's not get all crazy here and start questioning our lives based on other peoples' regrets.  You look at this list and cannot help but feel anxious because you just spent the last 5 years as a stay at home mom and suddenly your life appears wasted, or because you worked your ass off for the last 15 years climbing that ladder and now you're left wondering what you missed.

News flash:  you're not dead yet, nor are you dying.  Also, in case you haven't considered; you are not living the lives of these patients.  What does #5 even mean?  "Let" yourself be happier?  That sounds to me like someone who spent their life worrying about all the negatives and never focusing on the blessings they have. 

Let's look at #1.  My first thought is: how selfish!  If you are holding your breath on this earth because you feel that you spend too much time doing the right thing and living a life pleasing to God, then you. are. selfish.  Get over it!  You are not wasting your life or not being "true" to yourself just because you put your needs aside for your children or family... or friends.  That *is* your true self.  The fake you is taunting you with this radical idea that being selfish is more fulfilling.  So stop it.  Because your death bed regret will look like this: "I wish I had been a better Mother", "I wish I had been a better listener", "I wish I had been a more understanding wife", "I wish I had given my friends unconditional love", "I wish I had spent more time loving my wife for who she was", or better yet "I wish I had listened to God".  And whether or not you believe in a higher power, doing right by others is not preventing you from being who you are. When you look at #1 and begin to evaluate your life, you are on a slippery slope toward being the most TRULY selfish person. You don't have to ignore your children, leave your spouse, or cut friends and family out of your life in order to be true to yourself.  Who said you can't have hobbies, interests, passions and live a life in pursuit?  If you give that up, then it is no one's fault but yours.  No one can MAKE you be untrue to yourself.

Number 2.  I'm sorry but working hard is what produces the most success, the best families, the greater generations.  Are we now complaining about work?  Oh no, I should have spent my life being a bit more lazy and forgetting the fact that I need to feed my family and provide according to our dreams and goals.  I never should have paid for their college.  I never should have bought a safe car. I never should have worked hard enough to help pay for my mother's medical bills.  Really?  Working hard is essential to anyone in any social or economic class. And what choice do we have?  Is it realistic to look back on life and regret working hard?  Providing a good example to your children, earning your way through life, inspiring others?  

You know what's really dumb?  Number 3.  Say you are dying and you are 80 years old.  EIGHTY years to look back on and you regret not sharing your feelings?  Who's fault is that?  Did others tell you that you cannot express yourself?  If so, was there a knife to your throat?  If you cannot express yourself, that's your fault.  And if you look back on 60, 75, 80 (whatever) years of your life...what regret is there, meaning, how much of your life would have been truly different if you "expressed" yourself.  What, told someone off?  Given your mother a piece of your mind?  Taken more art classes? WHAT!!  

Number 4 and 5 are so vague it makes me think that this "nurse" just made all this crap up to cause some movement.  Any person can read into these and think that their life is headed down the wrong path if these truly are "everyone's" death bed regrets.

Your life is transformed everyday by the choices you make and losing sight of who you are, where you're headed and getting all philosophical will just take you down the path to more regret. Regret is STUPID.  Here's what my death bed regret would be if I let this list own me: I regret spending my life worried about regret.

YOU married that woman.

YOU had those children.

YOU volunteered your time.

YOU were given those parents.

YOU had those friends.

YOU chose those dreams.

YOU made those goals.
YOU took that job.

YOU avoided that conflict.

YOU took the chance.

These are your choices, and this is your life.  Spend more time admiring what you have done, what you have accomplished, what you have provided others, and what your life has truly been based on the choices you made and move on.

NYE Resolution Goals

I haven't put too much thought into my resolutions yet.  I am constantly making new goals and going after them physically, and I think I've proven to myself that I can meet any diet or physical challenge.  In 2011 I ran 11 races, 3 of which were 1/2 Marathons and 1 full Marathon.  I became a better skier, mastered and adjusted to the Paleo Diet and have learned to love CrossFit challenges thank to my trainer.  At this point, it's a matter of trying new things.  But I know, already, that I'm into that so making those my resolutions would be a cop-out. Beat my 5k time... complete a Tough Mudder or Spartan, cross country skiing or snow board, jump higher, last longer, get faster, etc etc... I think it's obvious that I found my passion in life and pursuing my health & fitness passions as a New Years 2012 Resolution would be cheating.  Resolutions should be something you need to, and SHOULD strive for. 

Instead, I want to make resolutions like (1)  Become closer to God  (2)  Be more patient with my daughters  (3)  Spend more time outside  (4)  Volunteer more  and (5) Be a better listener to my husband (and friends).

It's so much more convenient to leave faith out of my resolutions, because that is actual work.  Like real, honest, dirty work.  It forces me to look at myself the way God sees me and question my worthiness.  A truth I'd rather ignore and continue living a borderline-good life.  In the back of my mind I think "I'm a pretty decent person.  I volunteer. I give.  I am loyal to friends and family.  I don't beat my kids and I have never cheated on my husband. There.  And there. I'm a good person!  A slip up here and there won't disappoint God. THAT much". Gossip; guilty.  Judging others; guilty. Not forgiving; guilty. Speeding in a school zone...

At some point, hopefully NOW, I'll get brave enough to face myself spiritually.  So 2012, look out.  Plus, if the Mayan Calendar is correct, then I really need to get my butt in gear and be ready to meet my maker.  That's not 100% a joke... maybe 49%.  And I'll cover that in the faith department.  I cannot help but worry and be duped easily into fear.  What if?

No lie, these girls drive me insane.  They are both at an age where I lose sight of what's realistic to request of them, and how to set my expectations properly for their development.  I probably threaten Andy 2 or 3 times a week to go back to work full time or pick up 6 more classes in school just to RUN AWAY.  And to some degree, that's fine and my husband is supportive whichever way I go.  But I made the FINAL (hopefully) decision to stay home until Kelli is in school.  This means my Criminal Justice degree is on hold for a couple of years so I can really live in the moment with Kelli the same way I did with Sydney.  You can never get those years back.  And Kelli's illness also had a lot to do with the decision, but here I am going crazy because I listen to crying or tantrums all day, or the girls are fighting over who had the purple marker first, Kelli won't eat and Sydney is angry over making the wrong move in chess, and I have to skip a run because Sydney has gymnastics (woe is me I know) and they both have 500 questions, needs & requests for me the second we get home and I have to unload the car and get dinner started.  My patience has been sub-par and I don't feel like I am measuring up the way I should as a Mother.  Sydney is very smart and mature for her age, and so at times when she behaves saucy I don't give her enough credit for truly just acting her age.  I forget, so many times, that she is 6 not 12.  Bottom line, she is a GOOD kid and I need to go easier on her.  Kelli is 2, but thanks to Sydney being such an easy baby and toddler, I think our expectations are also too high for Kelli.  She's pretty normal when you think about it: tantrums, crying instead of using her words, refusing the potty, being a picky eater, making GIGANTIC messes (it's like she lives in a monkey pen most the time which is no good for my OCD anxiety about 'neatness') and not wanting to share with new friends.  I mean, I really get on her and feel almost offended (yes offended) when she acts out this way because I go on this internal thought process journey like she just hates me, Sydney never did this, she must have some evil gene in her (Father's side obviously) and there's no way I can control it.  But seriously.  She's 2.  I need to get over it.  I HAVE to be a more understanding mother.  Sydney is allowed to be emotional or dramatic. She is 6.  Kelli can be allowed (and guided through) tantrums.  Patience is second to faith, but if I put more stock into God then the rest will follow.

My poor husband.  I need to do a better job at serving him the respect, patience, understanding and quality time he deserves.  Yes, that is a do-it-yourself head scratcher on his head.  Basically that was my message to him (from his perspective):  "do it yourself".  I suck.  And though, admittedly, I hate rubbing anyone's head (especially if they have been sweating or have hair product in there), he is my husband and I know he enjoys it.  My anxieties and pet peeves have quadrupled in the last few years, and so it's not like I just make up things to be annoyed about, it's just an anxiety thing and that's how I deal.  But at some point, I have to look at myself and ask why I'm hanging onto these issues.  It becomes more about me than the other person and if I can change how I feel or perceive, then I won't be such a prisoner to anxiety.  And could possibly give my husband a head rub or let him lay on me without me feeling claustrophobic. I also need to listen to him better.  When he talks about work, I LISTEN, but I am not engaged... so I might as well not even listen.  I always feel like I have to multi-task everything so it's hard for me to STOP doing dishes or wiping the counter or typing a note to a friend, looking at my calendar or wiping Kelli's nose as she walks by or checking to see if Sydney has her school uniform off yet while he is standing there talking to me.  My mind never stops, so physically I do not slow down either.  Again... anxiety.  But he's earned my time and deserves it.  I should STOP.

2012. I know this will be an amazing year, but here's my chance to actually take time and evaluate myself as a Child of God, as a mother, as a wife and as a friend.  I've conquered change before.  So here goes another set of challenges!

 

Merry Christmas Eve everyone!  My little one woke me up this morning at 5:00 by slapping a banana, diaper and one wipe in my face while trying to crawl into the bed.  This has been her new routine for the past 2 or 3 weeks.  Never says a word.  Just brings me her diaper, wipe and a banana.  I can take a hint but pretty soon I'm going to start leaving her potty and a peeled banana at her door so SHE can take a hint.

I will be continuing my Christmas baking today.  This is our first Christmas with primal treats.  I was half way there in 2010 but hadn't completely made the transition from gluten free to purely Paleo.  So baking has been an adventure as I perfect and switch my former gluten free recipes into Paleo-friendly ones.

The following are what I will be making today!  Thanks to Civilized Caveman, Paleo Digest and Paleo Parents*

Blueberry Upside Down Cake

• 1/4 Cup Coconut Oil, melted
• 2 Tbsp 100% Pure Maple Syrup (or agave/ or honey work)
• 1 Pint Fresh Blueberries
• 1 Cup Almond Flour
• 1/2 Cup Coconut Milk
• 1/4 Cup Coconut Flour
• 1/4 Cup Raw Organic Honey
• 2 Eggs
• 1 Tbsp Cinnamon
• 1 Tsp Vanilla
• 1/2 Tsp Baking Soda
• 1/2 Tsp Baking Powder
• Pinch of sea salt

1. Preheat your oven to 375 Degrees Fahrenheit
2. Pour your melted coconut oil and maple syrup in your cake pan
3. Now put the entire pint of blueberries in the pan as well, they should cover pretty much the entire bottom of the pan
4. Put in preheating oven for about 5 minutes while you prepare the rest
5. combine all remaining ingredients in your mixing bowl and mix well using your hand mixer or by hand (I use our blender)
6. Take your cake pan out of the oven and then add in your cake batter and use a spoon to ensure an even distribution throughout the cake pan
7. Once your oven is preheated, place your pan in and bake for about 20 minutes or until your cake passes the toothpick test
8. Remove from the oven and let cool
9. Once cool, place a plate on top of the pan and then flip it over putting the blueberries on top

Zucchini Bread

Ingredients:
1/2 cup coconut flour
1/2 cup almond flour
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
2 eggs
2 zucchinis, grated
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 cup coconut oil
2 tbsp agave
1 tbsp almond butter

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine flours, baking soda, baking powder, salt, spices in medium bowl, set aside. Combine eggs, vanilla, oil, agave and almond butter in mixer. Add zucchinis. Slowly add in dry ingredients. Pour in greased (with grapeseed or coconut oil) bread pan. Bake for 45 minutes to an hour.

No Sugar Sugar Cookies

Ingredients

1 C fresh, pitted dates
1/3 C coconut oil
1/3 C palm shortening or butter
4 eggs
1 Tbsp vanilla
1 C coconut flour

Instructions

1. In food processor or blender, puree the dates into a paste
2. Add eggs, vanilla, oil and shortening to date paste and pulse until combined
3. Add flour and pulse until a thick dough forms
4. Spread extra coconut flour on rolling surface to reduce sticking
5. Gently roll out dough until 1/4″ thick, don’t press too hard or dough will not easily release when transferred
6. Using cookie cutters, cut shapes into dough and transfer to baking sheet
   
7. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 – 12 minutes (until edges start to turn golden brown).

What Does Christmas Mean to YOU?

Growing up in the 80's had it's perks. It was the generation when all of the best toys came out.  Teddy Ruxpin,  glow worm, nintendo, Barbie got a convertable, cabbage patch dolls, pound puppies, baby blinkins, transformers, thundercats, pillow people, nerf blasters and GI Joe.

 My brother and I would sit for hours flipping through those giant, 5lb JC Penny's catalogs just circling the stuff we want.  I remember those catalogs because it was just full of stuff you can't actually get IN the store, but you could order it by phone and so this thing literally had everything. It was so exciting flipping each magazine-thin page  (so thin it basically tore each time you flipped it but it had to be that thin in order to fit all that STUFF within a 4,093 page catalog) just being hit with massive toy and junk stimulation thinking "Oh I totally earned an air hockey table... I'm circling that in red".

 The month of December was just the best time of year.  Neighbors illuminated their houses, and in Virginia we almost always got snow which meant sleeping in on snow days or waking up early during school break to sled down our big hill in the front yard. One thing that did suck in the 80's... snow suits.  Take my word... they make those much better now.  December also meant lots of hot chocolate, Christmas movie specials, falling asleep to "Silent Night", making tons of cookies with Mom and fighting over the batter bowl, snowmen, snow forts, snowball fights, snow in your underwear.  Giant wreaths lit up on all the shopping center stores, garland stretched across the streets downtown, Bing Crosby playing in all the stores, Christmas plays and nativity at church. Most importantly, December meant counting presents under the tree.

 Don't get me wrong.  We grew up knowing the true reason of the season. We were devout Lutherans and if you missed church on Sunday, God would strike you with lightening. Oh, we knew why Christmas was celebrated. My parents did the best they could, in the way they knew how.  They were raised in strict Lutheran homes in Chicago and faith was delivered via wooden paddle to the butt if necessary. Though we were not paddled (often), my Mom did guide our faith with a lot of guilt and anger.  It wasn't her being intentional, she just didn't know any other way and if her kids acted out or went to church scuffed up she was embarrassed and felt like a failure... to God and to the congregation. We got the dirty looks and "Jesus is watching" speeches, and watched her cry in the car if my brother and I argued on our way to church, "THIS is how you want to thank the Lord on Sunday? HUH. Do you think God proud of you right now?  Spoiling the ONE day we take time to praise him?  HE ONLY ASKS FOR ONE DAY. ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, in fact, He just asks for ONE HOUR in the week. ONE HOUR and you two can't behave".

So, Mom and God were pretty disgusted by us a lot growing up.  That's just what we knew.  Dad went along with it.  He has a pretty valid fear of my Mother's guilt trips.

For Christmas we went to every advent church service but we couldn't help but check out the sidelines of lights, garland, presents, toys, cookies, and all of the commercial aspects of the season.  My parents spoiled the crap out of us, too.  For us, we knew Jesus was the reason... but what really got us excited was everything else.  First thing in the morning on Christmas day was the most exciting thing.  My brother and I would race down the stairs and begin scouting out our gifts and making our own piles (then counting to see who got more).  Mom & Dad shuffled into the kitchen to get coffee and we'd all sit down together.  And wait for Wendy.  My big sister was notorious for sleeping in and Christmas was no exception.  I think she got a little kick out of making my brother and I wait on her, because we would never start without her.  She had the control and she made us squirm.... until my mom finally drew the line and threatened her by pounding on the wall next to the stairs and yelling "okayyyyyyy we're starting with or without youuuuuuuu".

And within an hour it was all over. One year my brother and I got up to 30-something gifts each. (we compared).  It wasn't all big stuff because it was the time of year my mom helped us improve our wardrobes, but I can't act like we didn't get a lot of toys either. The next day is like the "tinsel hangover" because you're so sad it's over and you just want to wrap everything up and unwrap them again. Womp Womp.  Like planning a wedding; you put all this effort and excitement into this one thing and it's done in one hour.

The first few years of being a parent was just the best thing because I got to pass that excitement and joy of Christmas on to my daughter(s) and watch them learn and understand and feel all the feelings I had as a kid.  My soul turns into fuzzy, warm wool fresh from the drying machine.

Last year we realized, okay, it's too much.  I realized why my Mom cried, guilt tripped and threatened her anger over us so much all of our lives.  I sat there watching my kid open gifts (like 100 of them) and deciding which ones she wanted and throwing off the ones she didn't want "I didn't ask for this..." and though Andy & I justified this outlandish shower of gifts by the fact that our kids do not get 'stuff', toys, gifts, or 'new things' throughout the year. Ever.  No prizes at the store (maybe chocolate milk) or a new toy just because.  So come Christmas, it was like... let's git r done!  Water table for the Spring time, pool toys for the summer, cute sweater for our ski trip, new shoes, tons of books, more crafts to keep them busy than you could store in a U-Haul, action figures, little ponies, dress up clothes, leapster games and they are set for the YEAR. Boom.

But they didn't give a crap.  Couldn't care less.  Sydney had two things on her list and that was all she cared about.  And I was sitting their steaming mad, just like my mom, over her UNappreciation for all of the other things (that I KNOW she'd later ask for).

So this year it's different.  Birthdays are a time to celebrate us, and family and friends and growing... any presents go to charity.  Sydney hosted a party at the roller skating rink and collected THREE large barrels of toys for Brown Santa.  It was a huge success and she didn't even miss unwrapping presents at all!  She just enjoyed herself and had an amazing time with friends and dinner with family.  This year we toned it down for Christmas.  Santa will bring the two things on their list.  No problem. Mom & Dad will get them a few things "just because" but not go overboard.  I've ordered my family not to get the kids anything but to just spend some time with the girls doing a fun activity.  I cannot control grandparents.  I've given up.  So the girls each have 7 gifts this year, as opposed to the 15-20 last year. (I'm too embarrassed to give you the real number).  Sydney's big gift from us is a new lemonade stand (professional quality according to her) so she can continue to run her business and "make moneys".  Kelli's big gift is that silly KidKraft roller coaster thing.  She's gonna die over it.  Santa brought Sydney golf clubs like she asked and for Kelli he brought Little People Zoo and a baby doll crib & highchair.

I have to keep telling myself this is good.  It's good for them.  They'll appreciate it later in life.  They will THANK US.  Even though, as Andy says, it's hard to not want to give your kids everything.  If he could, he'd build an ice cream factory on a pony farm for them.  And it's not like they will starve for experience.  We travel a lot and find that type of family bonding time and learning together about new places and things is more valuable than "stuff".  I won't lie though... my heart gets an extra beat when I see a souvenier shop or an "everything you need" shop on the beach boardwalk.  I love getting t shirts and coffee mugs from places.  But this year we put a cap on "stuff".  I definitely spent less time in shops while at Disney this year. Sydney brought tooth fairy money and Kelli got to spend equal to her sister.  Turns out they didn't really care about that stuff much anyway. As long as Sydney had her autograph book and pen and they had their trading pins, we were set. Lesson learned.

I'm new at this.  But I am turning a corner.  Christmas, for us, is Christ-centered, family-centered with a little sprinkle of baking, decorations, lights and movie specials.  I can't actually cut it ALL out.  Psh.

Resolutions 2012

Don't You Hate it when...

I always go back to this.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when others complain about situations whether it's being in a bad relationship, feeling sick all the time, being over-weight, not able to run a 5k, feeling "bloated", having headaches, always being broke etc ETC.  It's hard for me to get over this intolerance, and I KNOW it's a character flaw of mine.  I am a pretty compassionate person but if you find it important enough to complain to me (and beat yourself up about it), then it's something you should feel is important to DO something about.  I've come to realize that I may really hate this behavior because during a long period in my life; that was me.  I complained about my health, but wasn't vigilant about it.  I complained about weight gain but ate nachos instead of salad.  I would repeatedly run to friends when something in my relationship wasn't right, but the wrongs kept happening because I let them.  I realized that complaining about it all is just the easy way to validate yourself and your feelings and "take a stand" on the problem without actually doing anything about it.  But when you consistently complain without being proactive, you are making it everyone else's problem.  That's when relationships begin to suffer.  No one wants to listen to you bitch about not having money or being overweight if you're not going to get an extra job or set a budget or stop shopping online at work... or going for pizza and eating fried foods on the menu & not making time for exercise.  WHY COMPLAIN if you don't have plans to DO anything about it?

So this is my motto (and I wish someone had shoved this in my face several years ago)... if it's that important you WILL (and can) find a way.  If not, there will always be an excuse.  Is it wrong?  Not necessarily, but you have to analyze your goals a little better & then set realistic ones.  If you're not willing to do the work to improve your situation (whatever it is), then move on.  If you hate being overweight, but you just cannot stop making excuses- then you have to accept yourself the way you are and stop beating yourself up.  Either accept it or change. Skinny people are not "lucky".  Rich people are not "lucky". Happiness takes work.

At one point, I wrote a BOOK on excuses.  Believe me, I know them all and I've used them all.  I used to think there was no way I could find time to exercise, or afford healthy foods, or enjoy a night out with friends without getting a migraine, or that I would EVER feel completely healthy because I had so many convenient crutches to lean on.  Woe was me because I'd never be happy or healthy.

Once I began to make exercise a priority, things began to fall into place.  Soon, it wasn't even an option.  Like I don't look at any certain day and say "no time to exercise" because it is part of my JOB to do it.  So usually it's the other stuff that I don't have time for, and that is okay!  It's okay to have Grandma take Sydney to gymnastics, or bring them to the gym with me, or not have a fancy meal in the evenings (but instead do something active as a family).  Exercise is part of my job and I never call in sick.  Reason is because it is a part of my health and my vitality, it gives me energy, it increases blood flow and improves my mental sharpness.  Same with sleep and eating habits.  No more excuses that I can't afford healthy foods because when I eat clean and stick to it, I don't need to take hundreds of prescription pills for one ailment or the other.  I havent been to the pharmacy in 11 months, so when you deduct the cost of medications- you CAN afford healthy food.  So which would you rather pay for?  Chemical drugs that give you disgusting side effects?  Or natural, whole foods that improve the quality of your life?

If you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself, step back and figure out WHAT got you there and WHAT is keeping you there.  If you want to keep making excuses then it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself.  For every excuse, there is a way.

Someone once told me that if I "can't" run in the rain, or when it's "too cold" or "too hot"... then I'm not a serious & true runner.  That got me pissed enough to run no matter what (and believe me, I'd rather run when it's 105* outside then when it's 35*, uuuuuugh!). If I have to take the stroller, or put on layers (or peel OFF layers) or whatever; run with a freaking umbrella... I'm running.  I'd rather be taken seriously then be laughed at.

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Andy and I have this ongoing joke (he started it) about how we take for granted so many things in life, that it gets to the point where the dumbest thing feels like the most gigantic inconvenience.  I've been compiling a list of some of our ridiculous complaints:

(1)  Ugh.  The dishwasher is broken (or worse, it's clean and you don't want to unload it) and now we have to HAND wash the dishes.  (or call my Mom & use the "broken wrist" excuse again)

(2)  SO annoying when you have refill the water in your automatic, single serve, non filter, gourmet coffee machine.  I thought this was supposed to make life EASIER.

(3)  Gah.  Don't you hate it when you don't have enough iphones, droids and ipads for ALL the kids and they actually have to take turns?

(4)  How annoying is it when your phone/map/camera/music player/bar code scanner/ recipe book/ tv/ netflix player/ address book/ house alarm/ video recorder/ etc starts running slow and you can't open the angry birds app?

(5)  I can't count the number of times I drove past 3 or 4 Starbucks in order to get to the one with a drive-thru... only to find... ::::sigh:::: there's a line.  Oh well, guess it wasn't meant for me to have coffee.

(6)  I could just pull my hair out every time the cleaning ladies come to the house and don't put the pillows exactly where they are SUPPOSED to go.  It's like someone is trying to tell me "Why don't you just do it yourself then".  psh. yeah right.

(7)  This could possibly make Andy's head explode.  Don't you hate it when you are 2 points short of "A Status" with Southwest Airlines and can't get through the first class security?  And you have to stand in line?

It's amazing how we take modern conveniences for granted, and how much you start to look at yourself when you are faced with your momentary survival mode when such conveniences fail to come through.

Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!!

A lot is happening on this merry night!!  The girls danced to Christmas music (see the blur), Sydney lost her second tooth, the 2 large trees were decorated and Carlos the Elf AND the tooth fairy make their ways back to the Eye home.

Sydney and Kelli created a parade with the Princess fleece blanket.

Since Mommy's arm is still broken,  Uncle Aaron helped drag Her Majesy in from outside.

Midst the chaos... Sydney asked me to pull her second tooth.

Like my hair?  Kelli was so enthralled in the emotion of the moment that she grabbed a paper towel, put it inside her mouth and began chanting "look mom. i lost my tooth! look!".

Not being the center of attention is outside of Kelli's comfort zone.

Love her!

That's $10 in ONE weekend.  She is saving her tooth money to buy a cool souvenier at Disneyworld.

The big tree!!

Kelli was having trouble getting ornaments to stay on the tree.  She kept saying "I can't dooooooo it Mom"  But kept trying.

I whipped out the tinsel... and she found herself useful!

Very useful.

I love this picture!!

The girls in their matching PJs picking ornaments.

Not sure why this picture is in the middle of all this.   This was Kelli ready for church the next day.

I took it because she looked cute.... now back to the night before...

There was one section of the tree that had PILES of tinsel and ornaments.  Looked like a drunk elf just puked on that one part of the tree.

Kelli took a bath.  And during a span of time Mommy wasn't in there, she got a hold of the bath water dye tablets.  And dumped ALL of them in the tub.  (I swear.  She isnt that dirty)

Our house is ready for Santa!!!!!!!!!