Random Rage

Don't You Hate it when...

Posted by Sara at 4:44 PM 0 comments

Andy and I have this ongoing joke (he started it) about how we take for granted so many things in life, that it gets to the point where the dumbest thing feels like the most gigantic inconvenience.  I've been compiling a list of some of our ridiculous complaints:

(1)  Ugh.  The dishwasher is broken (or worse, it's clean and you don't want to unload it) and now we have to HAND wash the dishes.  (or call my Mom & use the "broken wrist" excuse again)

(2)  SO annoying when you have refill the water in your automatic, single serve, non filter, gourmet coffee machine.  I thought this was supposed to make life EASIER.

(3)  Gah.  Don't you hate it when you don't have enough iphones, droids and ipads for ALL the kids and they actually have to take turns?

(4)  How annoying is it when your phone/map/camera/music player/bar code scanner/ recipe book/ tv/ netflix player/ address book/ house alarm/ video recorder/ etc starts running slow and you can't open the angry birds app?

(5)  I can't count the number of times I drove past 3 or 4 Starbucks in order to get to the one with a drive-thru... only to find... ::::sigh:::: there's a line.  Oh well, guess it wasn't meant for me to have coffee.

(6)  I could just pull my hair out every time the cleaning ladies come to the house and don't put the pillows exactly where they are SUPPOSED to go.  It's like someone is trying to tell me "Why don't you just do it yourself then".  psh. yeah right.

(7)  This could possibly make Andy's head explode.  Don't you hate it when you are 2 points short of "A Status" with Southwest Airlines and can't get through the first class security?  And you have to stand in line?

It's amazing how we take modern conveniences for granted, and how much you start to look at yourself when you are faced with your momentary survival mode when such conveniences fail to come through.

 

 

Regrets

Posted by Sara at 7:13 AM 0 comments

Have you seen the top five death bed regrets?  This link has been floating around on twitter and facebook for a while and I've seen most of my friends respond to this, as well as use this as a catalyst to philosophical thought & conversation.

In short, here are the top 5 regrets according to some nurse (I haven't really investigated the source, that's all I know): 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.  

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.   

 Though, I think these are important things to consider and think about, let's not get all crazy here and start questioning our lives based on other peoples' regrets.  You look at this list and cannot help but feel anxious because you just spent the last 5 years as a stay at home mom and suddenly your life appears wasted, or because you worked your ass off for the last 15 years climbing that ladder and now you're left wondering what you missed.

News flash:  you're not dead yet, nor are you dying.  Also, in case you haven't considered; you are not living the lives of these patients.  What does #5 even mean?  "Let" yourself be happier?  That sounds to me like someone who spent their life worrying about all the negatives and never focusing on the blessings they have. 

Let's look at #1.  My first thought is: how selfish!  If you are holding your breath on this earth because you feel that you spend too much time doing the right thing and living a life pleasing to God, then you. are. selfish.  Get over it!  You are not wasting your life or not being "true" to yourself just because you put your needs aside for your children or family... or friends.  That *is* your true self.  The fake you is taunting you with this radical idea that being selfish is more fulfilling.  So stop it.  Because your death bed regret will look like this: "I wish I had been a better Mother", "I wish I had been a better listener", "I wish I had been a more understanding wife", "I wish I had given my friends unconditional love", "I wish I had spent more time loving my wife for who she was", or better yet "I wish I had listened to God".  And whether or not you believe in a higher power, doing right by others is not preventing you from being who you are. When you look at #1 and begin to evaluate your life, you are on a slippery slope toward being the most TRULY selfish person. You don't have to ignore your children, leave your spouse, or cut friends and family out of your life in order to be true to yourself.  Who said you can't have hobbies, interests, passions and live a life in pursuit?  If you give that up, then it is no one's fault but yours.  No one can MAKE you be untrue to yourself.

Number 2.  I'm sorry but working hard is what produces the most success, the best families, the greater generations.  Are we now complaining about work?  Oh no, I should have spent my life being a bit more lazy and forgetting the fact that I need to feed my family and provide according to our dreams and goals.  I never should have paid for their college.  I never should have bought a safe car. I never should have worked hard enough to help pay for my mother's medical bills.  Really?  Working hard is essential to anyone in any social or economic class. And what choice do we have?  Is it realistic to look back on life and regret working hard?  Providing a good example to your children, earning your way through life, inspiring others?  

You know what's really dumb?  Number 3.  Say you are dying and you are 80 years old.  EIGHTY years to look back on and you regret not sharing your feelings?  Who's fault is that?  Did others tell you that you cannot express yourself?  If so, was there a knife to your throat?  If you cannot express yourself, that's your fault.  And if you look back on 60, 75, 80 (whatever) years of your life...what regret is there, meaning, how much of your life would have been truly different if you "expressed" yourself.  What, told someone off?  Given your mother a piece of your mind?  Taken more art classes? WHAT!!  

Number 4 and 5 are so vague it makes me think that this "nurse" just made all this crap up to cause some movement.  Any person can read into these and think that their life is headed down the wrong path if these truly are "everyone's" death bed regrets.

Your life is transformed everyday by the choices you make and losing sight of who you are, where you're headed and getting all philosophical will just take you down the path to more regret. Regret is STUPID.  Here's what my death bed regret would be if I let this list own me: I regret spending my life worried about regret.

YOU married that woman.

YOU had those children.

YOU volunteered your time.

YOU were given those parents.

YOU had those friends.

YOU chose those dreams.

YOU made those goals.
YOU took that job.

YOU avoided that conflict.

YOU took the chance.

These are your choices, and this is your life.  Spend more time admiring what you have done, what you have accomplished, what you have provided others, and what your life has truly been based on the choices you made and move on.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

NYE Resolution Goals

Posted by Sara at 2:55 PM 0 comments

I haven't put too much thought into my resolutions yet.  I am constantly making new goals and going after them physically, and I think I've proven to myself that I can meet any diet or physical challenge.  In 2011 I ran 11 races, 3 of which were 1/2 Marathons and 1 full Marathon.  I became a better skier, mastered and adjusted to the Paleo Diet and have learned to love CrossFit challenges thank to my trainer.  At this point, it's a matter of trying new things.  But I know, already, that I'm into that so making those my resolutions would be a cop-out. Beat my 5k time... complete a Tough Mudder or Spartan, cross country skiing or snow board, jump higher, last longer, get faster, etc etc... I think it's obvious that I found my passion in life and pursuing my health & fitness passions as a New Years 2012 Resolution would be cheating.  Resolutions should be something you need to, and SHOULD strive for. 

Instead, I want to make resolutions like (1)  Become closer to God  (2)  Be more patient with my daughters  (3)  Spend more time outside  (4)  Volunteer more  and (5) Be a better listener to my husband (and friends).

It's so much more convenient to leave faith out of my resolutions, because that is actual work.  Like real, honest, dirty work.  It forces me to look at myself the way God sees me and question my worthiness.  A truth I'd rather ignore and continue living a borderline-good life.  In the back of my mind I think "I'm a pretty decent person.  I volunteer. I give.  I am loyal to friends and family.  I don't beat my kids and I have never cheated on my husband. There.  And there. I'm a good person!  A slip up here and there won't disappoint God. THAT much". Gossip; guilty.  Judging others; guilty. Not forgiving; guilty. Speeding in a school zone...

At some point, hopefully NOW, I'll get brave enough to face myself spiritually.  So 2012, look out.  Plus, if the Mayan Calendar is correct, then I really need to get my butt in gear and be ready to meet my maker.  That's not 100% a joke... maybe 49%.  And I'll cover that in the faith department.  I cannot help but worry and be duped easily into fear.  What if?

No lie, these girls drive me insane.  They are both at an age where I lose sight of what's realistic to request of them, and how to set my expectations properly for their development.  I probably threaten Andy 2 or 3 times a week to go back to work full time or pick up 6 more classes in school just to RUN AWAY.  And to some degree, that's fine and my husband is supportive whichever way I go.  But I made the FINAL (hopefully) decision to stay home until Kelli is in school.  This means my Criminal Justice degree is on hold for a couple of years so I can really live in the moment with Kelli the same way I did with Sydney.  You can never get those years back.  And Kelli's illness also had a lot to do with the decision, but here I am going crazy because I listen to crying or tantrums all day, or the girls are fighting over who had the purple marker first, Kelli won't eat and Sydney is angry over making the wrong move in chess, and I have to skip a run because Sydney has gymnastics (woe is me I know) and they both have 500 questions, needs & requests for me the second we get home and I have to unload the car and get dinner started.  My patience has been sub-par and I don't feel like I am measuring up the way I should as a Mother.  Sydney is very smart and mature for her age, and so at times when she behaves saucy I don't give her enough credit for truly just acting her age.  I forget, so many times, that she is 6 not 12.  Bottom line, she is a GOOD kid and I need to go easier on her.  Kelli is 2, but thanks to Sydney being such an easy baby and toddler, I think our expectations are also too high for Kelli.  She's pretty normal when you think about it: tantrums, crying instead of using her words, refusing the potty, being a picky eater, making GIGANTIC messes (it's like she lives in a monkey pen most the time which is no good for my OCD anxiety about 'neatness') and not wanting to share with new friends.  I mean, I really get on her and feel almost offended (yes offended) when she acts out this way because I go on this internal thought process journey like she just hates me, Sydney never did this, she must have some evil gene in her (Father's side obviously) and there's no way I can control it.  But seriously.  She's 2.  I need to get over it.  I HAVE to be a more understanding mother.  Sydney is allowed to be emotional or dramatic. She is 6.  Kelli can be allowed (and guided through) tantrums.  Patience is second to faith, but if I put more stock into God then the rest will follow.

My poor husband.  I need to do a better job at serving him the respect, patience, understanding and quality time he deserves.  Yes, that is a do-it-yourself head scratcher on his head.  Basically that was my message to him (from his perspective):  "do it yourself".  I suck.  And though, admittedly, I hate rubbing anyone's head (especially if they have been sweating or have hair product in there), he is my husband and I know he enjoys it.  My anxieties and pet peeves have quadrupled in the last few years, and so it's not like I just make up things to be annoyed about, it's just an anxiety thing and that's how I deal.  But at some point, I have to look at myself and ask why I'm hanging onto these issues.  It becomes more about me than the other person and if I can change how I feel or perceive, then I won't be such a prisoner to anxiety.  And could possibly give my husband a head rub or let him lay on me without me feeling claustrophobic. I also need to listen to him better.  When he talks about work, I LISTEN, but I am not engaged... so I might as well not even listen.  I always feel like I have to multi-task everything so it's hard for me to STOP doing dishes or wiping the counter or typing a note to a friend, looking at my calendar or wiping Kelli's nose as she walks by or checking to see if Sydney has her school uniform off yet while he is standing there talking to me.  My mind never stops, so physically I do not slow down either.  Again... anxiety.  But he's earned my time and deserves it.  I should STOP.

2012. I know this will be an amazing year, but here's my chance to actually take time and evaluate myself as a Child of God, as a mother, as a wife and as a friend.  I've conquered change before.  So here goes another set of challenges!