Thursday, December 22, 2011
What Does Christmas Mean to YOU?
Growing up in the 80's had it's perks.
It was the generation when all of the best toys came out. Teddy
Ruxpin, glow worm, nintendo, Barbie got a convertable, cabbage patch
dolls, pound puppies, baby blinkins, transformers, thundercats, pillow
people, nerf blasters and GI Joe.
My brother and I would sit for hours
flipping through those giant, 5lb JC Penny's catalogs just circling the
stuff we want. I remember those catalogs because it was just full of
stuff you can't actually get IN the store, but you could order it by
phone and so this thing literally had everything. It was so exciting
flipping each magazine-thin page (so thin it basically tore each time
you flipped it but it had to be that thin in order to fit all that STUFF
within a 4,093 page catalog) just being hit with massive toy and junk
stimulation thinking "Oh I totally earned an air hockey table... I'm
circling that in red".
The month of December was just the best
time of year. Neighbors illuminated their houses, and in Virginia we
almost always got snow which meant sleeping in on snow days or waking up
early during school break to sled down our big hill in the front yard.
One thing that did suck in the 80's... snow suits. Take my word... they
make those much better now. December also meant lots of hot chocolate,
Christmas movie specials, falling asleep to "Silent Night", making tons
of cookies with Mom and fighting over the batter bowl, snowmen, snow
forts, snowball fights, snow in your underwear. Giant wreaths lit up on
all the shopping center stores, garland stretched across the streets
downtown, Bing Crosby playing in all the stores, Christmas plays and
nativity at church. Most importantly, December meant counting presents
under the tree.
Don't get me wrong. We grew up knowing
the true reason of the season. We were devout Lutherans and if you
missed church on Sunday, God would strike you with lightening. Oh, we
knew why Christmas was celebrated. My parents did the best they could,
in the way they knew how. They were raised in strict Lutheran homes in
Chicago and faith was delivered via wooden paddle to the butt if
necessary. Though we were not paddled (often), my Mom did guide our
faith with a lot of guilt and anger. It wasn't her being intentional,
she just didn't know any other way and if her kids acted out or went to
church scuffed up she was embarrassed and felt like a failure... to God
and to the congregation. We got the dirty looks and "Jesus is watching"
speeches, and watched her cry in the car if my brother and I argued on
our way to church, "THIS is how you want to thank the Lord on Sunday?
HUH. Do you think God proud of you right now? Spoiling the ONE day we
take time to praise him? HE ONLY ASKS FOR ONE DAY. ONE
DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, in fact, He just asks for ONE HOUR in the week.
ONE HOUR and you two can't behave".
So, Mom and God were pretty disgusted by
us a lot growing up. That's just what we knew. Dad went along with
it. He has a pretty valid fear of my Mother's guilt trips.
For Christmas we went to every advent
church service but we couldn't help but check out the sidelines of
lights, garland, presents, toys, cookies, and all of the commercial
aspects of the season. My parents spoiled the crap out of us, too. For
us, we knew Jesus was the reason... but what really got us excited was
everything else. First thing in the morning on Christmas day was the
most exciting thing. My brother and I would race down the stairs and
begin scouting out our gifts and making our own piles (then counting to
see who got more). Mom & Dad shuffled into the kitchen to get
coffee and we'd all sit down together. And wait for Wendy. My big
sister was notorious for sleeping in and Christmas was no exception. I
think she got a little kick out of making my brother and I wait on her,
because we would never start without her. She had the control and she
made us squirm.... until my mom finally drew the line and threatened her
by pounding on the wall next to the stairs and yelling "okayyyyyyy
we're starting with or without youuuuuuuu".
And within an hour it was all over. One
year my brother and I got up to 30-something gifts each. (we compared).
It wasn't all big stuff because it was the time of year my mom helped
us improve our wardrobes, but I can't act like we didn't get a lot of
toys either. The next day is like the "tinsel hangover" because you're
so sad it's over and you just want to wrap everything up and unwrap them
again. Womp Womp. Like planning a wedding; you put all this effort and
excitement into this one thing and it's done in one hour.
The first few years of being a parent
was just the best thing because I got to pass that excitement and joy of
Christmas on to my daughter(s) and watch them learn and understand and
feel all the feelings I had as a kid. My soul turns into fuzzy, warm
wool fresh from the drying machine.
Last year we realized, okay, it's too
much. I realized why my Mom cried, guilt tripped and threatened her
anger over us so much all of our lives. I sat there watching my kid
open gifts (like 100 of them) and deciding which ones she wanted and
throwing off the ones she didn't want "I didn't ask for this..." and
though Andy & I justified this outlandish shower of gifts by the
fact that our kids do not get 'stuff', toys, gifts, or 'new things'
throughout the year. Ever. No prizes at the store (maybe chocolate
milk) or a new toy just because. So come Christmas, it was like...
let's git r done! Water table for the Spring time, pool toys for the
summer, cute sweater for our ski trip, new shoes, tons of books, more
crafts to keep them busy than you could store in a U-Haul, action
figures, little ponies, dress up clothes, leapster games and they are
set for the YEAR. Boom.
But they didn't give a crap. Couldn't
care less. Sydney had two things on her list and that was all she cared
about. And I was sitting their steaming mad, just like my mom, over
her UNappreciation for all of the other things (that I KNOW she'd later
ask for).
So this year it's different. Birthdays
are a time to celebrate us, and family and friends and growing... any
presents go to charity. Sydney hosted a party at the roller skating
rink and collected THREE large barrels of toys for Brown Santa. It was a
huge success and she didn't even miss unwrapping presents at all! She
just enjoyed herself and had an amazing time with friends and dinner
with family. This year we toned it down for Christmas. Santa will
bring the two things on their list. No problem. Mom & Dad will get
them a few things "just because" but not go overboard. I've ordered my
family not to get the kids anything but to just spend some time with the
girls doing a fun activity. I cannot control grandparents. I've given
up. So the girls each have 7 gifts this year, as opposed to the 15-20
last year. (I'm too embarrassed to give you the real number). Sydney's
big gift from us is a new lemonade stand (professional quality according
to her) so she can continue to run her business and "make moneys".
Kelli's big gift is that silly KidKraft roller coaster thing. She's
gonna die over it. Santa brought Sydney golf clubs like she asked and
for Kelli he brought Little People Zoo and a baby doll crib &
highchair.
I have to keep telling myself this is
good. It's good for them. They'll appreciate it later in life. They
will THANK US. Even though, as Andy says, it's hard to not want to give
your kids everything. If he could, he'd build an ice cream factory on a
pony farm for them. And it's not like they will starve for
experience. We travel a lot and find that type of family bonding time
and learning together about new places and things is more valuable than
"stuff". I won't lie though... my heart gets an extra beat when I see a
souvenier shop or an "everything you need" shop on the beach
boardwalk. I love getting t shirts and coffee mugs from places. But
this year we put a cap on "stuff". I definitely spent less time in
shops while at Disney this year. Sydney brought tooth fairy money and
Kelli got to spend equal to her sister. Turns out they didn't really
care about that stuff much anyway. As long as Sydney had her autograph
book and pen and they had their trading pins, we were set. Lesson
learned.
I'm new at this. But I am turning a
corner. Christmas, for us, is Christ-centered, family-centered with a
little sprinkle of baking, decorations, lights and movie specials. I
can't actually cut it ALL out. Psh.
Talking to Little Girls about Beauty
I read this
over coffee, and off course I think more when I'm drinking coffee so
this launched me into frenzy of parenting doubts. Like a JayZ song on
fast forward, I couldn't make out any clear thoughts. I have 2 little
girls (precious, amazing, fun, smart, loving, outgoing, creative and
PRETTY little girls). In general, we are aware of image issues and now
that Sydney is 6, we're seeing more of those things pop up. She wants
to play with make-up, wear pink dresses, idolizes Princess Aurora (who
obviously cannot slay an evil dragon herself), and has even rebutted one
of my compliments with "Mom, I am *not* that pretty. You know who the
prettiest girl in school is? Ava." and we recently chopped (literally)
Sydney's hair off and she liked it for about 4 days until a little girl
at school told her that Princesses never have short hair. Problem is, I
have NO clue how to respond to these things.
Sydney's hair is awesome and her little bob fits her personality
perfectly. It's who she is! But she is insecure about it because she's
afraid no one will see her as "princess-y". Yet, the first week
(almost) she OWNED that hair cut.
I also catch Kelli checking herself out in the mirror and it's just
automatic, I cannot help myself, I blurt out "oooohhhh sooooo pretty!"
and now I wonder, am I creating an egotistical monster here? Like she
needs help with confidence. And despite my own doubts, I still cannot
help it. It's like turrets syndrome. "Oh look at you! You gorgeous
little princess!". And it will keep happening until someone staples my
flappers shut.
I was the. most. insecure. kid on the face of this planet. And to some
slightly elevated yet not too high degree, it lingers. I look back and
wonder what my parents did wrong. I blame them for everything else, I
can't leave out insecurity! They never over-did it with the props,
kudos and compliments but they were ever so gentle and nurturing as to
never hurt our feelings. So I think it was even keel and that worked
for a couple of my siblings but one of us turned out extraordinarily
confident and one of us (not saying who) turned out uber insecure and
self-doubting.
Andy has a strict rule that the girls MAY NOT wear or play with make
up. While I appreciate his concern and why he feels strongly about
this, I don't want it to speed his intentions the opposite direction.
Saying make up is bad and forbid it could possibly restrict our super
creative 6 year old from expressing herself or prompt even more interest
in it and do it behind our backs (the wrong way). But if we allow it,
then are we sending the message that her awesome natural face is not the
already the most perfect thing on this earth (have you SEEN her?)
But aren't princess dresses and make up just a part of being a little
girl? When do you draw the line and begin explaining that beauty is
more than sparkly, pink, fluffy things? I need a psychologist here... at
what age do we explain that your beauty is not important to get ahead
in life... especially when everything else on this planet, but
especially our society, tells them otherwise? I mean, seriously, look
at Sarah Palin. She didn't have to be smart. Sorry, I couldn't help
that one. What I *meant* was...
Michelle Bachman.
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