I read this over coffee, and off course I think more when I'm drinking coffee so this launched me into frenzy of parenting doubts. Like a JayZ song on fast forward, I couldn't make out any clear thoughts. I have 2 little girls (precious, amazing, fun, smart, loving, outgoing, creative and PRETTY little girls). In general, we are aware of image issues and now that Sydney is 6, we're seeing more of those things pop up. She wants to play with make-up, wear pink dresses, idolizes Princess Aurora (who obviously cannot slay an evil dragon herself), and has even rebutted one of my compliments with "Mom, I am *not* that pretty. You know who the prettiest girl in school is? Ava." and we recently chopped (literally) Sydney's hair off and she liked it for about 4 days until a little girl at school told her that Princesses never have short hair. Problem is, I have NO clue how to respond to these things.
Sydney's hair is awesome and her little bob fits her personality perfectly. It's who she is! But she is insecure about it because she's afraid no one will see her as "princess-y". Yet, the first week (almost) she OWNED that hair cut.
I also catch Kelli checking herself out in the mirror and it's just automatic, I cannot help myself, I blurt out "oooohhhh sooooo pretty!" and now I wonder, am I creating an egotistical monster here? Like she needs help with confidence. And despite my own doubts, I still cannot help it. It's like turrets syndrome. "Oh look at you! You gorgeous little princess!". And it will keep happening until someone staples my flappers shut.
I was the. most. insecure. kid on the face of this planet. And to some slightly elevated yet not too high degree, it lingers. I look back and wonder what my parents did wrong. I blame them for everything else, I can't leave out insecurity! They never over-did it with the props, kudos and compliments but they were ever so gentle and nurturing as to never hurt our feelings. So I think it was even keel and that worked for a couple of my siblings but one of us turned out extraordinarily confident and one of us (not saying who) turned out uber insecure and self-doubting.
Andy has a strict rule that the girls MAY NOT wear or play with make up. While I appreciate his concern and why he feels strongly about this, I don't want it to speed his intentions the opposite direction. Saying make up is bad and forbid it could possibly restrict our super creative 6 year old from expressing herself or prompt even more interest in it and do it behind our backs (the wrong way). But if we allow it, then are we sending the message that her awesome natural face is not the already the most perfect thing on this earth (have you SEEN her?)
But aren't princess dresses and make up just a part of being a little girl? When do you draw the line and begin explaining that beauty is more than sparkly, pink, fluffy things? I need a psychologist here... at what age do we explain that your beauty is not important to get ahead in life... especially when everything else on this planet, but especially our society, tells them otherwise? I mean, seriously, look at Sarah Palin. She didn't have to be smart. Sorry, I couldn't help that one. What I *meant* was...
Michelle Bachman.
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