Regrets

Have you seen the top five death bed regrets?  This link has been floating around on twitter and facebook for a while and I've seen most of my friends respond to this, as well as use this as a catalyst to philosophical thought & conversation.

In short, here are the top 5 regrets according to some nurse (I haven't really investigated the source, that's all I know): 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.  

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.   

 Though, I think these are important things to consider and think about, let's not get all crazy here and start questioning our lives based on other peoples' regrets.  You look at this list and cannot help but feel anxious because you just spent the last 5 years as a stay at home mom and suddenly your life appears wasted, or because you worked your ass off for the last 15 years climbing that ladder and now you're left wondering what you missed.

News flash:  you're not dead yet, nor are you dying.  Also, in case you haven't considered; you are not living the lives of these patients.  What does #5 even mean?  "Let" yourself be happier?  That sounds to me like someone who spent their life worrying about all the negatives and never focusing on the blessings they have. 

Let's look at #1.  My first thought is: how selfish!  If you are holding your breath on this earth because you feel that you spend too much time doing the right thing and living a life pleasing to God, then you. are. selfish.  Get over it!  You are not wasting your life or not being "true" to yourself just because you put your needs aside for your children or family... or friends.  That *is* your true self.  The fake you is taunting you with this radical idea that being selfish is more fulfilling.  So stop it.  Because your death bed regret will look like this: "I wish I had been a better Mother", "I wish I had been a better listener", "I wish I had been a more understanding wife", "I wish I had given my friends unconditional love", "I wish I had spent more time loving my wife for who she was", or better yet "I wish I had listened to God".  And whether or not you believe in a higher power, doing right by others is not preventing you from being who you are. When you look at #1 and begin to evaluate your life, you are on a slippery slope toward being the most TRULY selfish person. You don't have to ignore your children, leave your spouse, or cut friends and family out of your life in order to be true to yourself.  Who said you can't have hobbies, interests, passions and live a life in pursuit?  If you give that up, then it is no one's fault but yours.  No one can MAKE you be untrue to yourself.

Number 2.  I'm sorry but working hard is what produces the most success, the best families, the greater generations.  Are we now complaining about work?  Oh no, I should have spent my life being a bit more lazy and forgetting the fact that I need to feed my family and provide according to our dreams and goals.  I never should have paid for their college.  I never should have bought a safe car. I never should have worked hard enough to help pay for my mother's medical bills.  Really?  Working hard is essential to anyone in any social or economic class. And what choice do we have?  Is it realistic to look back on life and regret working hard?  Providing a good example to your children, earning your way through life, inspiring others?  

You know what's really dumb?  Number 3.  Say you are dying and you are 80 years old.  EIGHTY years to look back on and you regret not sharing your feelings?  Who's fault is that?  Did others tell you that you cannot express yourself?  If so, was there a knife to your throat?  If you cannot express yourself, that's your fault.  And if you look back on 60, 75, 80 (whatever) years of your life...what regret is there, meaning, how much of your life would have been truly different if you "expressed" yourself.  What, told someone off?  Given your mother a piece of your mind?  Taken more art classes? WHAT!!  

Number 4 and 5 are so vague it makes me think that this "nurse" just made all this crap up to cause some movement.  Any person can read into these and think that their life is headed down the wrong path if these truly are "everyone's" death bed regrets.

Your life is transformed everyday by the choices you make and losing sight of who you are, where you're headed and getting all philosophical will just take you down the path to more regret. Regret is STUPID.  Here's what my death bed regret would be if I let this list own me: I regret spending my life worried about regret.

YOU married that woman.

YOU had those children.

YOU volunteered your time.

YOU were given those parents.

YOU had those friends.

YOU chose those dreams.

YOU made those goals.
YOU took that job.

YOU avoided that conflict.

YOU took the chance.

These are your choices, and this is your life.  Spend more time admiring what you have done, what you have accomplished, what you have provided others, and what your life has truly been based on the choices you made and move on.