Flaring

The same thing happened after I had Sydney, but I thought I'd catch it before it started this time by exercising RIGHT away and trying to do everything I know works. But per the usual, so much gets in the way, and I think a lot set me back this time like getting H1N1, Kelli being sick so often off and on, all our traveling and guests etc. I was focused, but never consistent on my health. And here I am, flaring. It's getting worse everyday and I just want to cry. I'm not myself socially, and I think I'm trying too hard to be "normal" that I'm making it worse & then going "why is it getting worse??". The hardest part is letting people down. Saying yes to things, then changing to "no" last minute, not being able to get out of the house and socialize as much. When Andy wants to do something, I'm indecisive because I just don't know how I'll FEEL later. I'm trying. Some days (or some hours) I'm absolutely okay. Running is the only thing that makes me feel better. I'm moving, stretching and distributing oxygen throughout my body and I'm standing upright (and not in some awkward sitting or laying position). And after running, my body feels great. I cannot sit still in classes either! My elbows, knees & back begin to stiffen so hard and my concentration is competing with the pain.
I had to have one good cry.
I am seeing the Neurologist tomorrow (Thursday) and hoping this helps with everything. I hope he can get me back on a good regimen like I was on pre-pregnancy, with a good night's sleep and up my Topamax dosage to improve the headaches. From there, my goal is to really routine myself. Exercise, sleep, nutrition. Period. No excuses.

Symptoms of fibromyalgia include:

• Chronic muscle pain, muscle spasms or tightness, weakness in the limbs, and leg cramps
• Moderate or severe fatigue and decreased energy
• Insomnia or waking up feeling just as tired as when you went to sleep
• Stiffness upon waking or after staying in one position for too long
• Difficulty remembering, concentrating, and performing simple mental tasks
• Abdominal pain, bloating, nausea, and constipation alternating with diarrhea (irritable bowel syndrome)
• Tension or migraine headaches
• Jaw and facial tenderness
• Sensitivity to one or more of the following: odors, noise, bright lights, medications, certain foods, and cold
• Feeling anxious or depressed
• Numbness or tingling in the face, arms, hands, legs, or feet
• Increase in urinary urgency or frequency (irritable bladder)
• Reduced tolerance for exercise and muscle pain after exercise
• A feeling of swelling (without actual swelling) in the hands and feet
• Painful menstrual periods
• Dizziness

Fibromyalgia symptoms may intensify depending on the time of day -- morning, late afternoon, and evening tend to be the worst times, while 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. tends to be the best time. They may also get worse with fatigue, tension, inactivity, changes in the weather, cold or drafty conditions, overexertion, hormonal fluctuations (such as just before your period or during menopause), stress, depression, or other emotional factors.

Sometimes this comes ALL at once, sometimes bundled within a few days (which can be worse). It feels like my body is just shutting down like an old car! Like I need a new trade-in desperately. I don't know if I'm clinically depressed, rather just "depressed" because I can't be MYSELF physically and mentally. Cognitively, I fumble on my words SO BAD (they call it "fibro-fog" or "brain-fog") and say the weirdest things and I'm like "did I just say that? that made NO sense" (and I know what I meant to say, but it came out like... what!!! And then spend a whole week worrying if _____ thinks I'm an idiot.)
Despite all of this, however, I've been managing the kids and house okay, I suppose. And I'm getting through the days at school/studying well. There just isn't enough leftover after that!!
But I am going to work on that. I know I have it in me.