21 days until due date and I SHOULD NOT be watching "Baby Story" on TLC! I keep revisiting my birth with Sydney with all these women going in, then having their water broke, then being talked into c-sections when they stall at 4cm. All the while being pumped full of pitocin and epidurals, so it's too late to just say "go home, try again later". AAAAAHHHH!!! I am freaking out!
I do not want another c-section! Especially if it's the case similar to these stories, where it probably just was not necessary. If you stall at 4cm... then maybe you were just not READY to have the baby, right? Don't our bodies know what to do? Why is that so common now? I'm freaking out! And none of my in network obgyns supervise Doulas, so that's not an option right now. I'm so emotional about this, I can see myself asking for a second opinion when they check my dilation!
Still alot going on here... I have a midterm in Sociology this coming Friday so I am studying all week. No play, all work. Except tomorrow I am hosting a playdate at my pool with some kiddos, and I know Sydney will appreciate that (though this kid can't complain she never gets to do anything!). Painters are putting up samples today, we're picking colors and they begin transforming our house on Thursday. They should be done completely by next Thursday or Friday, which will make me happy because then all of the rooms will be complete and ready for the baby. I am having the cleaning ladies come back for another sweep-thru of the house to just sterilize everything I'm unable to bend or reach to! I am also planning/hosting my sister Jenny's 40th birthday party, and doing a western ho-down, line dancing kinda theme with BBQ etc. The day before that is Sydney's big dance recital and I'm just praying I make it!!!! I cannot imagine having to miss her recital.
So yes... I took a good walk 2 days ago. Felt great. Swore I was going to do that every night!
What happened?
I am SO achey and sore! My God! Trying not to have excuses here but WOW, my hips and pelvis just feel like theyre going to break when I walk. And that might have something to do with me doing cartwheels yesterday in hopes to give Sydney a little "pride facelift", as she was too embarrassed to do a cartwheel in front of her dance class yesterday morning because she was afraid of looking bad. She is SUCH a perfectionist. We have gone over this issue the past two weeks because she can't draw a perfect "B" or make her hearts look like mine or because she didn't get a strike bowling on the Wii. She is so hard on herself and I decided to take matters into my own hands (and unfortunately my crotch). I showed her that even Mommy, who is a big girl (like... a really BIG girl), can't do a perfect cartwheel, but I'm willing to TRY, even in front of onlookers (who, I am sure, found it very amusing). And I am pretty sure that last night I was feeling Kelli's contempt of my actions.
So I didn't walk last night or this morning... but I PLAN on it today, once I'm done studying. Doesn't help that I just saw a woman on TLC who is 9 months pregnant and looked like she could kick Jillian Michael's butt... and here I am like "ooooh... poor me... gained 52 lbs...oooooh...my hips....ooooh". I think this lady on "Baby Story" is going to be at the gym doing squats and the baby is going to pop out and join his mom lifting weights. Ugh.
I know I'm being hard on myself, and I guess I cannot deny that's where Sydney gets it. I know. I'm a hypocrite. But I look forward to shedding all this weight and feeling good in a pair of jeans again... while hopefully nurturing a "dont have to be perfect" side of my daughter. Possible?
just because a woman is stalled at 4cm i dont see why a c/s is rec'd unless the baby is in distress. I dont think sydney would have req'd a c/s either if her heart rate had not dropped. I remember how bummed you were but remember ... it is the baby in the end that matters and you will get to meet kelli either way. Of course, i hope hope hope you have a vbac but even if you don't end up getting that, whether its a dropping heartrate or whatnot, all i will pray for is a healthy mom and healthy baby. because that, in the end, is the most impt. right?
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to meet her. I was even checking flights to Austin yesterday but they were $260 round trip for one person and that seemed like it would get too expensive. Ugh. I wish i had some FF miles i could cash out but i dont. Bleh.